Somebody called me fat today.
And I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t feel like starving myself again. I sure as hell didn’t feel like crying. I didn’t feel like sweating out more. I didn’t feel unattractive. Because I have already made peace with the parts of Tajwar that everybody sees and parts that they will never get to see.
6 long years !!!
Took me 6 years to talk about one of my biggest insecurities ever. Takes strength. Doesn’t it ?? Before I start, one thing that you already know but need a reminder on this one, and that is, people say mean things to upset you. If you actually start thinking about everyone who says horse-shit about you, you won’t be able to even leave your apartment.
A lot of the people I know, especially my girls, complain that their weight fluctuates a lot. My weight fluctuates very much as well. Say if I had a pizza and fries today, tomorrow you might see them on my thighs ! That is how my body works. Also, pardon my extremely insane sense of humour. Lol.
I have been a victim of two things all my life- acne and my weight. It was back in 2011 when I started gaining weight. By 2013 I was 20 kilos more than what I was in 2011. By 2013, I gained 5 kilos more. Human body is very complicated, more so, because of the tonnes of hormones inside it. The weight gain was very evident on my body. I started experiencing a lot of back pain and knee pain ( I have very thin legs as compared to my body).
Teenage is the time when we set goals on finding true love. But how wrong are we? Only the very few find their soulmates during their teens. In my teens, I used to think that maybe boys went just for the pretty face, obviously we want to grab the best for ourselves ? Don’t we? Good Lord, I was so wrong !
Over the years I have met men, friends and love included, who have loved me and even continue loving me irrespective of what they see on the outside. They have seen me without makeup, with makeup, seen me happy, seen me cry, seen me fail, seen me win and most importantly seen me evolve everyday.
Everyone wants to be the centre of attraction at some point in their lives. And that is so human ! Survey says that women harbour more insecurities than men. Extremely low levels of self esteem I have seen in myself and in my ladies! And I am not ashamed to accept it. Because now, it’s time to change. And change will only come of we replace the wrong with the right.
I have never seen a boy feel bad because he doesn’t have a six pack. The problem is with our upbringing. The problem is with our film industry. The problem is with our clothing brands. Indians are one of the curviest people in the world( didn’t say fat, fat is a slang!) Thank Mother genetics for that!
But what I was able to deduce from all these years of learning, is that the right people will love you for YOU. Looks may be important to get the attention of a potential partner, but your looks won’t help you keep them. Your face with freckles, wrinkles, fat or acne in my case, will never matter in the long run. Talk about your insecurities. They say words are power. And words help you overcome them. Let the world know you are flawed, so that they realize that they are flawed too. Let them acknowledge Misfits.
If you want to be somebody that people look up to, you got to establish your worth. And for establishing your worth, you need to know it and then add tax to it !